The Nightmares Come While I'm Awake

April 18th:

I think the stress of dealing with all of Alex’s strange shit is getting to me. Last night I kept thinking I woke up because of someone knocking at the door; I even got out of bed one time and looked out the peephole but I couldn’t see anyone there. Of course.

Lucy said nothing about any of it, but I could tell she’s getting worried. Though, part of it is that she’s getting fuzzier and fuzzier about Alex and Misty. At first I thought it was just how she dealt with grief, but soon enough it became obvious that Misty had slipped from her mind almost entirely and Alex was following. Way beyond responses to grief.

It pissed me off until I noticed that all of the indications of Alex’s presence in his apartment building—except the apartment itself—were gone. Not replaced, just cleanly gone. And the landlady had no idea who I was talking about. The key still worked, and when asked about his old apartment, she made a face and said something about display units and transition strategies and told me she had an appointment that she needed to prepare for.

Through the looking glass shit right there.

The idea of asking mom occurred to me, but the possibility that she’d be confused about Alex and Misty made me worried as hell.

Of course, even I’m not immune. I can’t remember anything about Misty before my wedding, right before all of this started. The time line isn’t clear to me anymore, as if it all jumbled together. But what is clear to me is that Misty just isn’t in my memories before that—and I’m starting to think that it might not be a case of what everyone else has.